The Town Hall Archives

Ferder- · Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 4:39 pm Post subject: For the PUN of it

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers fromthe men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns on a message board, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make somebody laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

SNOOZIE · Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 7:07 pm Post subject:

i like 6, 7, and 10 i think they were the best. thx for the giggles.

Jared · Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 8:13 pm Post subject:

Funny! :)

I've heard some of them before, but not all of them. Since I'm a bit of a chess "nut" (even though I've never boasted in an open foyer), I thought 6 was particularly funny... as was number nine! Actually, all were pretty good.

Ferder- · Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 10:31 pm Post subject:

9 is probably my fav

Dave · Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2003 9:15 pm Post subject:

I suppose all of ya have heard the "chicken" jokes:

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To Get to the other side
A. To see a man laying bricks

I'm sure there's other answers as well.

A man bought a bottle of perfume for his girlfriend and a gun for his brother. On his sweethearts present he was gonna put "Use this on your-self and think of me" but by accident he put it on his brothers'.

Q. What did the piece of gum cross the road?
A. 'Cause it was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Q. What three animals can you unlock a door with?
A. Monkey, Donkey, and Turkey.

Bully: I saw you and my sister kissing last night.
Boy: I'll give you 50 cents if you don't tell.
Bully: (takes the 50 cents and gives him 30 cents back)
Boy: What's this for?
Bully: To be fair. It's the same for everybody.

Q. If a man comes into town on Friday and leaves town four days later, how can he leave on Friday?
A. Friday's the name of his horse.

As you can see, I love jokes!

Dave

OnTheCross · Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2003 9:51 pm Post subject:

Tonight I was babysitting a little 5-year-old who loves to make up jokes and songs. His latest was:
Why did the firetrucks crash into each other and go into the water?
Because they slipped and then crashed. . .then they went into the water.

Rolling Eyes

Dave · Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2003 9:58 pm Post subject:

In todays new a truck carrying glue overturned on highway 2. Police are asking drivers to stick to their own lanes.

Dave

Dave · Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2003 7:34 pm Post subject:

Boss: Why are you sawing off the legs of your bed?
Thief: 'Cause you told me to lay low for a while.

Boss: Why did you take so long stealing the money from the bed and bath shop?
Thief: You told me to make a clean getaway so I took a bath.

Fan: You're an actor, huh?
Actor: Yes, I've been in lots of good films. Seen "Star Wars?"
Fan: Yes...
Actor: Me too. Jolly good movie...

Police Man 1: I caught the theifs red-handed.
Police Man 2: What color are their hands now?

Q: If a roster lay an egg on the top of a hill, what side what it roll down?
A. Rosters don't lay eggs.

Dave

Dave · Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2003 4:32 pm Post subject: Food For Thought

Tell me which one you like the best! I got them out of a magazine.

1. The best thing you can do behind someone's back is to pat it.

2. You'll never get ahead if you're always trying to get even.

3. The dictionary is the only place where 'success' comes before 'work.'

4. People who get bored most easily are the most boring people.

5. If you always blame others when things go wrong, do you always thank them when things go right?

6. If you make up your mind that you can't do something, you will always be right.

Dave

Everyone, post your funnies!

E87M2 · Senior Member Joined: 11 Jan 2003 Posts: 1106

Lol. I like 5 the best, but 4 comes in close. Smile