The Town Hall Archives

Coralfish · Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2003 11:20 am Post subject: A poem

I am giving poetry a try, as it were, so I need your opinions, as I have never written anything before. I can take critizism, so give your honest opinion.OK here it is....please don`t laugh too loudly. Wink

National Pride

What is is called when I hang the flag
In the window, or on the door outside?
When I want to display the colors most proudly?
To me, that's called National Pride.

How about when I support our soldiers,
At home, on land or abroad?
When I pray daily for their safety,
That's called placing my trust in God.

Then why is it I am called intolerant,
When I support Mr. Bush on TV?
Because I want him to disarm Hussein?
No-that called wanting what's best for me!

Finally, what makes me stand so proudly,
In my school every morning, each day?
When I sing our anthem most loudly,
Why do I say what I say?

Every American should have this,
It's a thing we should need to survive.
Along with prayer, I practice it daily,
A thing I call National Pride.

Oh well......mabe I should stick with shearing Alpacas.... Smile

hawkeye · Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2003 4:53 pm Post subject:

That was a great poem! I liked the ideas (except the one I think differently on), it was strong, and it flowed well!

But a pointer (from a reader, not a poet*), try to keep the 'finally' out, unless you are listing, because that seems more like a debate thesis... Maybe "Really, what makes me stand so proud?"

So, write poems while ewe shear those alpacas! Keep it up!

Coralfish · Posted: Wed Feb 26, 2003 5:54 pm Post subject:

<ahem>

Thank you.

It was just a fun attempt at poetry, so I don`t think that the public will be seeing any more of it in the future. Mabe short stories.....but who knows Wink

I like to experiment, and you all are the(for lack of a better term) "test market", before show work to relatives etc...etc.

Now all I want to know is who voted for me to stick with alpaca shearing????

smurfs · Guest

that was very good! keep it up