The Town Hall Archives

Ami · Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 11:39 pm Post subject:

DISCLAIMER! This isn't the actual Ami.... This is her mom...Ami will address this subject later.

Now...Ami's mom says: What an interesting topic. I've been married since the ripe old age of 15 (hubby is not quite 2 yrs older than I) and now I've been married nearly 21 years. (All you math-a-holics need not figure and announce my age!!)

I grew up with 3 brothers and have always consider myself a tom-boy. When I married, I didn't want to "be a burden" to my husband and thought I had to do everything for myself. (My own job, etc) I didn't mind him doing things for me like buying a gift or taking me somewhere but I would have felt silly if he would have insisted on opening doors for me.

Fast forward 20 years....Now....I think it's very kind of men (and boys) to take the time to hold a door or offer to carry something. However, I am very careful in public and would not accept any stranger's offer to help carry things to my vehicle. At church is another story. If a man doesn't hold the door or offer to help with an obviously heavy load I'm carrying I'm a little disappointed. I also know that if I needed help and no one offered, I could ask and immediately have several men willing to help. Is this because I'm now old and decrepit? NOT! Rolling Eyes

I look at things a little differently now. I don't feel like I have something to prove by insisting I do everything for myself. I realize that women can be helped and respected at the same time......that being helped isn't a sign of weakness in women.

I always say thank you and try to accept help even if I think I could probably do it myself. I'm proud of the things I can do for myself (run a chain saw, change a flat, etc, all of which my husband taught me ) but now realize that if a man offers help it's usually not because he thinks the female is beneath him socially... (woe be to the man that DOES feel this way and I find out about it!! LOL)

As for kissing the hand.....ick. I always think of that little cartoon skunk Peppy LaPew (sp?). <Giggle> NOT something I'd want to happen to me!

Coats in puddles??? Definately behind the times. That was when "streets" were dirt (or mud when it rained) and there were very few sidewalks or paved parking lots. I think perhaps the modern version of this is the guy giving the girl his coat if she's cold but I've seen this taken advantage of also. Girls....don't wear something "cute" if it's too cold for it! The fella's get cold too! My husband got smart and now asks if I have a coat . I like it better when he brings two of his without saying anything. Wink

Makes me feel special.

Now hiking is another story. I've had piggy back rides across creeks but only from one of my brothers or my husband. I would frown on being so familiar with a stranger.

Bottom line, guys....keep being gentlemen and be patient. That perfect girl will come along.
Girls...same for you....except it's a perfect guy you want. Very Happy

Both: Don't expect to change your spouse after marriage. Things change alright but let God do the changing or there will be much resentment. DON'T get married if you're thinking....I like him/her except for ...... and I can change that after we're married!

Hope I haven't bored anyone. I enjoy reading the post here occasionally. It encourages me to know there are other good kids out there. Gives me hope for the future. Mommy hugs to all. Smile

Lora

Disco Dan · Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 11:41 pm Post subject:

Goodness your mom is cool. Wink

Ami · Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 11:46 pm Post subject:

LOL! I think so too... sometimes
she's flattered.... really, she is

Londoner · Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 2:52 am Post subject:

StupendousMan · Junior Member Joined: 10 Mar 2005 Posts: 105

Gandalf · Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 5:10 pm Post subject:

Just to clear up a common misconception (I know I've said this before on the TH...)

Men never kissed ladies' hands. It has always been considered unhealthy, forward, and downright rude. There are two forms, depending on which European country you were from, that gentlemen used to give the impression of kissing a lady's hand. The first was to simply kiss above the hand a couple of centimeters. The second was to actually kiss his own thumb that is placed on top of the girl's fingers. Of course this would never occure in non-formal settings anyway, only at balls, dances, political events, etc. when a gentleman was properly introduced to a woman. I believe both are still used to some extent in formal Europe, not in the US at all. One instance where it made national news was when Jaque Chirac, president of France, 'kissed' first lady Laura Bush's hand on her visit to Paris. I believe he used the few centimeters above the hand method...

Anyway...

Frank · Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 7:55 pm Post subject:

I'm not much into the kissing of hands...or the laying down of coats, but I do appreciate those who are willing to display kind acts of chivalry.

One of the summer camps that I go to is all for chivalry and is the only place I've seen where they actually teach it to the boys. (With a man to man chat on the first night.) During the week all male persons are required to open doors for the ladies and if there are any women in the lunch line...then all the men must let her pass to the front. (Although some boys complain about the "death trap" when a whole bunch of ladies come to the line) It's so sweet!

Odyssey should teach chivalry. (Have they taught it before? Isaac the Chivalrous?)

shanbob · Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 11:16 pm Post subject:

yay for ami's mom lora!!! Very Happy

you my hero Wink

Londoner · Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 2:51 am Post subject:

Mandy Straussberg · Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 2:11 pm Post subject:

Our summer camp meals are always first come, first served. Last year there were a bunch of boys who cut in front of everyone at every meal (big boys who could be intimidating). So, the third day at breakfast, our youth pastor said--for just that meal--that all the guys had to get in the back of the line and couldn't be served until all the girls had food. It was really sad, though, because a lot of our guy friends always got behind us in line anyway and we couldn't talk to them 'cause they were thirty people behind us. But all-in-all, we females appreciated it.

Mandy