The Town Hall Archives

rosie · Inquisitive Member Joined: 07 Jan 2003 Posts: 1197

Mandy, were you wearing really nice shoes and stuff? I can't imagine walking on someone's coat if I wasn't dressed all nice.. hmmm. Maybe I'll move down there and start wearing dresses. Smile

I think chivalry is awefully nice.

dawningoftime · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 8:04 pm Post subject:

My grandad has told my sisters and I that we shouldn't date anyone who doesn't hold the door open for us. He does it all the time and he even said when he was dating some women found it offensive.

Continental Admiral · Ornery Member Joined: 14 Nov 2003 Posts: 867

Eugene Kendall™ · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 8:25 pm Post subject:

we call it southern hospitality Smile

Kanimoto · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 8:37 pm Post subject:

Wow. I opened this topic expecting a debate on the merits of the knights of the Crusades.

I think chivalry (if the quality is so named) is nice. While I like it when guys hold open doors for me, I don't want them to become my servants in any regard. Smile

StupendousMan · Junior Member Joined: 10 Mar 2005 Posts: 105

I open the door for my mom now and then... but I probbaly need some work Smile

Christian Cowgirl · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 9:33 pm Post subject:

shanbob · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 9:40 pm Post subject:

I personally think chivalry is a very considerate and caring gesture. The following is focused towards chivalry in a dating/courting relationship.

I am going to take another perspective of the concept. I do not like girls that expect or think guys should and must actively portray such actions, especially in a dating relationship. Let me clarify.

When a girl accepts the request of a guy (after he's talked to her father or other... Razz

) to get to know her better, she shouldn't have to, neither should she be expecting him to immediately rush to open all doors, be that a building or car door. He should not be expected to stand by her side holding her hand, retrieve her refreshments, or always push her chair in.

That may sound feminist, but if you knew me, you'd call me anything but a feminist. I am merely saying that chivalry is a nice/romantic aura, but a guy doing so out of requirement and pure expectation of a girl is likened to slavery in my view.

If a girl wants a guy to be continually chivalrous, and he is not, then she should go shopping somewhere else (forgive the diction).

A girl should not be helpless, neither should she be 'neglected'. The reason I say all the above, is because a past friend treated her b/f like so, and she treated him quite badly in public often.

From experience, if my b/f always was chivalrous, I'd honestly get sick of it and feel horrible that he had to always be "on his toes" for every lil breath I take.

When my b/f does portray chivalry, I notice it muchly, tis special, and I appreciate it alot and let him know that occassionally... and it lets him know that his efforts and attention is muchly appreciated as well...

shan

i like the opposite... perspectives Very Happy

Gandalf · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 9:51 pm Post subject:

Chivalry.... Interesting topic.

I usually try to practice chivalry as much as possible. However, I only do so for 'ladies', not for just any female. Of course every female is a lady until proven otherwise, but I would never dream of opening a door for a woman who is upset by it or who is ungrateful for it.

I would never dream of putting my coat on the ground for a woman though, especially if it would ruin it. If she's stupid enough to wear flimsy shoes, that's her problem! Only kidding. Seriously, I do rather think many forms of 'chivalry' are outdated, or at least shouldn't be practiced in normal everyday life. This includes things like putting one's coat on the ground for a woman to walk on, kissing a lady's hand at introduction, making sure that a woman always has an escort (either male or female) in non-dangerous places, standing when a woman enters the room, and pulling chairs out for ladies at non-formal meals.

One more thing, as a man I appreciate it when a woman thanks me for things like opening a door, letting her go first in a long line, carrying something for her, escorting her in a high-risk area, etc. In fact, if a woman doesn't thank me, I'm probably much less likely to repeat that same action for fear that I may offend her.

Hope this makes sense...

EDIT: In response to what Shanbob said (we posted at the same time) I would say I agree with her. I know several young men who actually make themselves rude because of their constant acts of 'chivalry'. They are constantly trying to pull women's chairs out, open their doors, etc. Some general guidlines for chivalry should be that if it is convenient for you then do it, if it would look like you avoided doing it, then do it. If you have to go out of your way to do it, it becomes annoying and rude. For example, If you are standing withing a few feet of a door and/or walking out a door with a lady, then open it for them. If not, don't rush across the room just to open a door.

Coralfish · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 9:59 pm Post subject:

I haven't had a great deal of experience with chivalry, but I do appreciate courtesy and attempt to return it when at all possible. Courtesy is something which we can all practice, regardless whether it be holding the door for someone when they have their hands full, lending an umbrella when it is raining, opening a car door, or helping carry things to a someone's car. Simple little things which we can all practice make life a lot more pleasant and give the people with whom you come in contact a moment or two of joy.

I imagine chivalry to be something like this, except directed towards females alone. I see this as both good, but also a bit of a shame. Shouldn't we all be, through our best efforts, "chivalrous"?

As for the coat subject mentioned, I don't blame the young men for not acting on the thought. Though it would be a very literary gesture, I doubt it would be completely rooted in practicality. Nevertheless, if you can make someone's day by talking about doing something, by all means.... Wink