The Town Hall Archives

Blair · Just Moved In Joined: 31 Jan 2005 Posts: 14

Hey Everyone! I need some prayer from this end of the world. I have had a week unlike any other before. OK...back story to help those who read this see why I am hurting inside from unsurities.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 4 years (I am 22) and since high school, my boyfriend has made statements here and there about marriage someday, So...as a girl, I am giddy and everything since I figured that he woudl be the one I would be blessed with growing old with. Here in the past month, things have been weird I guess. Well...the whole past few months. It started out last year when his church attendance started dropping down real low during the year, and his lack of wanting to cuddle and be romantic stopped.
Now guys here, don't get me wrong, I don't need no stinking dozen roses and gifts every weekend. But if I am going to cook dinner for him, and then I get a peck on the mouth like kissing his moms cheek, and then not even help with dishes, that really hurts my feelings. At least once a week I cook for him since we both live out on our own. Here is the part in the relationship I feel unappreciated for my efforts. I think I will just cook for myself, and he can do without if he is going to be this way.
I feel heartbroken there, and then the middle of this week, his best friend came in from the Ain Force, ans since then I have been put on the back burner of everything. Sure...I know that he doesn't get to see his buddy a whole awful lot in life now that he is in the military, but I want some attention too. I feel unappreciated there since I went out of my way to make a homemade meal for our friend since he doesn't get them in the service, and a homemade pie. I mean, I went all out for our friend. The guys eat and then stick around for like 30 more minutes and then leave. *sigh* Today I thought would be different, I made the mistake of getting pizza for everybody. The boyfriend, the friend, the b/f's little brother and myself. A lunch bill of almost $40. The only one who thanked me was the little brother for the pizza. I feel like heartache oured on top of broken heart pancakes that burn me everytime I try to bite into them.
So...if there is any guys who are still reading this, and can give me some kind of advice on how to tell my boyfriend that the way he has been treating me makes me think of him as a selfish pig, and makes me feel as if he doesn't care about what we have by the way he is acting? I want to keep what we have...but when he does stuff like this, I know I could be happier being single, b/c at least I wouldn't hurt my feelings!
It just kills me since I know what kind of GREAT guy he can be and what I have seen him do. It just kills me to feel that its like he has thrown in the towel and he just expects me to do with it as I may.

PLEASE HELP!! THANKS...SLEEPLESS IN THE OZARKS!!

DrBlackgaard · Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2005 12:00 pm Post subject:

I hope I come across the right way here...

But I think you may be issuming too much. He's your boyfriend, not your husband. He has a right to use his time as he feels best and if he wants to spend it with a friend whom he has not seen in a long time, I think that is understandable. My guess is that he meant nothing whatsoever by it, and when he has more time he will spend more time with you. I guess the best advice I could give is just wait it out, don't be so up tight and thinking he means something personal by it. Be patient. You may be close friends, but you're still only friends...not husband and wife, so he shouldn't be expected to spend every free moment with you.

Just my take on it, anyway...judging from what I know of the situation.

Bennett Charles · Town Villain Joined: 24 Nov 2002 Posts: 2410

Well, theirs the obvious answer; just planting him down on a chair and telling him how you feel. I mean, sure, Dr. Blackgaard is right in a way--you guys aren't married or anything...but dating for four years? That's gotta mean something. Sure, he's got the right to spend his time the way he wants; but the fact that you've been dating so long means he has the obligation to spend time with you. He's commited himself, in a way.
On the other hand, men are idiots. After a long period like that, he may not have been appreciating as much as the earlier days of the relationship. Though, hey, I don't really know the details...He probably is just a distracted kinda guy...like all of us. So, yeah, just talk to him. Afterall, if he doesn't understand, why persue into marriage? Your dating...that's the time to find out all the answers before getting popped the guestion.

Jonathan · Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2005 2:00 pm Post subject:

Kanimoto · Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2005 4:45 pm Post subject:

I second what everyone else said, Blair. Smile

Blair · Just Moved In Joined: 31 Jan 2005 Posts: 14

Thank you all for your patience with me as I have been dealing with this whole ordeal. I am just not wanting to jump a gun at any such instance and give up on something that could have been nothing, as I am sure we have all done in one way or another. Thank you guys, you know, actual males who gave their all to help me get a little more insight into that mysterious species on the planet called MEN! LOL You guys are great...IF I can ever help any of you understand WOMEN, please hollar, I will do what I can to help where I can :)

TTFN AND GOD BLESS!!!

Jonathan · Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2005 1:29 am Post subject: Re: THANK YOU...