The Town Hall Archives

Disco Dan · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:21 am Post subject: Marriages: How young?

I was watching Little House on the Prairie today, and I saw something that was a bit shocking to me. John Edwards, roughly around 16 proposed to Mary Ingells, who was only 13. When thier parent's heard about it, they looked shocked, and I assumed they were thinking what I was: They are too young. Well, turns out that was what they were thinking, except not to the same degree as me. Charles Ingells talked it over with Mr. Edwards, and they came to the conclusion that they could get married a year and a half from then, when Mary was 15. They then began construction on a house for the two.

Nevertheless, it turns out John ends up going to a university for 4 years, making the fufillment of thier engagement to be carried out when mary is 17. Good, but still too young in my opinion.

So, what are your opinions on this subject? How young should one be to marry? Does God have any standards on this? And is the reason we Americans marry at 18 and up due to law, tradition, or what? Do they Mary younger in other countries?

Dosne't seem very wise to me... I don't know any 15 year olds in my school who are even close to bieng ready for marriage. What do you think?

Rick_Hardslab · Junior Member Joined: 23 May 2003 Posts: 124

Actually you can get married under 18 in the US. Its not that common, but you just need the parents to consent. Thats how come a lot of contracts say things like "if under 18 the signature of a parent or guardian is required, or if under 18 and married, signature of spouse.

In fact my cousin, who is one of the most messed up people I have ever heard of, got married to the mother of his second child (who was 16). He is 22 or something, and niether one is at all mature. He does drugs and drinks like a camel. They constantly get in fights, and they are the only married couple I know with a restraining order between them.

I believe its an absolute 100% horrible mistake for anyone to get married who is under 23. divorce chances are over double of average. Average is now 50%, double that is 75%. No matter who you are, you must not do it, you are still too immature. If you think you are mature enough and in love enough that extreme divorce chances wont apply, thats the proof that you are far too immature.

I believe its wise but not 100% necessary to wait until age 28, so that you are both fully self sufficient mature adults and capable of making a rational informed descision and working through and solving problems effectively. And the odds are, people who wait until age 28 are significantly less likely then average to get divorced.

But basically, if your NOT mature enough to NOT get married right now, you are not mature enough to get married yet. To put this principle differently: If you cant choose no, you cant really choose yes even if you can say it.

Jared · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 6:44 am Post subject: Re: Marriages: How young?

Monday · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 9:27 am Post subject:

It really depends on maturity, not age. Like in the Little House on times, I think the girls were more mature, had more responsibilities then they do now and by the age of fifteen were fully ready to take care of a husband, house and children.

I have a friend that got engaged when she was seventeen, married when she was eighteen or nineteen, to man eight years older. She was very immature and not in the least ready for marriage (still isn't). She was flirting with one her husband to be's best friend all the time. And even now, they've been married since April and she's still flirting with him (who is now engaged). So, while she was old enough she wasn't mature enough.

I know my parents wouldn't have a problem with me getting married at seventeen or eighteen, but they know it would be in the Lord's hands.

Anyhow, I don't think fifteen was too young for then. Now, yes, wait until one is graduated from high school at least.

Emily Witt · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 9:47 am Post subject:

Maturity. Not age. I know 16 year olds who, in my opinion, could get married now, with the maturity to make that decision, and live quite happily the rest of their lives. I really hope to get during or right after my college years.

Women need the proper training before their ready to become housewives/mothers. They need to know, for example, who to do laundry, how to make dinner, how to change baby diapers, how to warm up a bottle... etc, etc, etc...

Not many young women these days can do alot of those things before the age of 20, and sometimes even after that. I know 40 year old women who, sadly, have never made a single meal for their husbands. Most people would say that they're old enough, but after watching them argue all evening long at our house, I've come to the realization that some folks who seem old enough just aren't mature enough.

My brother is a prime example. He and his wife eloped when they were 19 and 20. They now have 3 adorable children and are possible the happiest couple I've ever met. They were both very mature. Mature enough to pick who they were planning on spending their lives with.

My other brother is also a prime example. He and his girlfriend had a child a couple years ago, and just now decided to get married. Not really sure how their doing, since I don't really talk to them much, but the point is- they weren't (and still aren't) mature enough for marriage. (though, in this case, it was, in my opinion, mandatory.)

That's all I have to say.

Emily

Disco Dan · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 10:23 am Post subject:

Hmm... Fascinating. Agreed, Marriage should be based on Maturity, not age. I have to say though, If I ever had a child I would not let him/her Marry untill two things were complete:

1. High School
2. He knew it was God's will.

#2 is very important in a marriage.

Jonathan · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:04 pm Post subject:

I'm 18, and having watched relationships in the last six years (rather than have any of my own) I'm unsure if many people my age are even mature enough to date, let alone get married. I'll agree with Trina, maybe there are some youngins mature enough to get married, but I haven't seen any.

-Jonathan

~*Darth Vader Girl*~ · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:16 pm Post subject:

definate maturity..take this for example:

my parents have been married 25 years!! guess how old they were when they tied the knot? 21 and 22!!!That is quite young if you ask me, but that just goes to show that it is not always true that young marriages are more likely to get divorces. Now, hear me out, i do agree that young marriages are more likely to get divorces b/c they might still be too young at heart and maybe eager to jump to marriage/family life, and then realize that they have not chosen the right person to spend their entire life with and get a divorce..to me that is the main reason divorces happen is because the couple committed at a young age and jumped right in to conclusions together instead of taking it slow and really work things out and experiment..but that is definately not always the case, noting my parents' situation!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coralfish · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 1:34 pm Post subject:

Fascinating topic. I've heard rather a lot about it in recent years, from all sides.

My personal take on this, law aside (as it has already been established that it rarely stands in the way in such matters), is no less than a parroting of the above posts. I do believe age matters to some extent in today's society, yes. With the way we are brought up and raised, young people at the age of, say, 16 simply are not ready for the responsibilities that most will encounter around the ages of 23 and up.

That said, I can now effectively be described as a hipocrite, as I am planning to be married halfway through my 20th year. Roughly, we'll be 20 and 22 or 23, depending on the date chosen.

So, do I consider myself an "exception" to the golden rule of maturity that has henceforth been set forth? Wink

Hardly. But I DO believe that God's will is in place, and where life is going to be a year and a half from now allows for it. But then again, that's merely personal observation and collective decision. Criticism is something that you learn to take, and ocassionally use constructively as I do agree that one needs to take the utmost care in such things. Anyways, coming from that rather twisted angle of things, you can get an idea where my ideas fall.

Or, something like that. Smile

The Top Crusader · Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 2:22 pm Post subject:

I think 4 or 5 is a pretty good age to get married.