The Town Hall Archives

Disco Dan · Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 3:29 pm Post subject: 1st person Story

I’m working on a first person story for school, and I was wondering what you guys would think of it. Here’s what I have so far:
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The beginning of another day, yes, that’s what it was. It was to be another grand day in the life of me, Professor Regis Spackleburry. Having found myself awake, I sat up in bed, stretched, and gave a good yawn. I must admit, that this process felt so exceedingly spectacular that I was beside myself with a general feeling of great goodness. So much so, in fact, that I was quite certain that it would be a marvelous idea to stay in bed that particular morn.

I sank back into the soft cloud of my pillow, and pulled the cover sheet snuggly up to my chin. The wooly ball on the tip of my striped stocking cap came softly resting on the tip of my nose, quite like the slowly falling flakes of snow that came drifting onto the fresh morning grass.

As I glanced to the side to steal a view of my window, I admired the beauty of these small white specks, gracefully dancing back and forth apart, until finally coming to rest as a whole. Yes, today would be a good day.

However, the glance to the window caught me also a view of the large grandfather clock hanging on my wall, and while I could have admired its fine craftsmanship for hours, it having fulfilled its duty in reminding me what time it indeed was, I was forced to awaken a second time, although this time it was not a physical awakening but rather a mental awakening that at last took me from that wonderful place we al find ourselves in at one time or another, and gracefully brought me into reality.

Catspaw · Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 3:48 pm Post subject:

An enjoyable start. I like the details that you put in. However, in my opinion, your opening line sounds awkward. (Hopefully that can be viewed as some form of constructive critiicism.) I'm sure you'll do a good job with the rest of the story!

Disco Dan · Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 3:53 pm Post subject:

Hmm, yes I see it. I also felt it was awkward. Any ideas on what to change it to?

I also have discoverd a few grammatical flaws...

Disco Dan · Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 4:47 pm Post subject:

Still haven't come up with a new starting sentace, but I have changed some things and added more.

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The beginning of another day, yes, that’s what it was. It was to be another grand day in the life of me, Professor Regis Spackleburry. Having found myself awake, I sat up in bed, stretched, and gave a good yawn. I must admit, that this process felt so exceedingly spectacular that I was beside myself with a general feeling of great goodness. So much so, in fact, that I was quite certain that it would be a marvelous idea to stay in bed that particular morn.

I sank back into the soft cloud of my pillow, and pulled the cover sheet snuggly up to my chin. The wooly ball on the tip of my striped stocking cap came softly resting on the tip of my nose, which was very much like the slowly falling flakes of snow that came drifting onto the fresh morning grass.

As I glanced to the side to steal a view of my window, I admired the beauty of these small white specks, gracefully dancing back and forth apart, until finally coming to rest as a whole. Yes, I mused, today would be a good day.

However, the glance to the window caught me also a view of the large grandfather clock hanging on my wall, and while I could have admired its fine craftsmanship for hours, it having fulfilled its duty in reminding me what time it indeed was, I was forced to awaken a second time, although this time it was not a physical awakening but rather a mental awakening that at last took me from that wonderful place we all find ourselves in at one time or another, and gracefully brought me into reality.

The reality was, I had to be somewhere other than where I was. That place was Phambdon B. Willingston University, my place of teaching. The thought of how much I stressed promptness to the boys I taught, I dreaded the outrageous rebuttal I would here no end of if I was tardy. I reassured myself that I had nothing to worry about, as long as I did get out of bed presently.

The clock read I had an hour to get to my destination, give or take a minute. Duly motivated and with all my wits about me, I swiftly hopped out of bed, washed up, put on a clean suit, and briskly made my way down the winding staircase to the kitchen. Upon my arrival I encountered none other than my maid Mrs. Nimbly.

“Ah, Mrs. Nimbly!” I said with a tinge of surprise. “You’re in early.” I normally did not expect her arrival until the precise moment of my departure for the university. Being a man of routine, I was a little taken aback by this small change. However, always being a polite man, I kindly inquired the purpose of her arrival.

“And to what do I owe the pleasure of this meeting?” My expression was warm, yet holding a certain air of having things to do. I hoped she could realize the latter, and not just the former.

The old woman was rather short, and always seemed to have trouble looking at people in the face when she spoke. She usually glanced around the room while speaking, preferably to her than having to constantly strain the neck by looking directly in to the face of who she was talking to.

“Well sir, I thought that you might like someone to make y’ some breakfast, and perhaps a bit of company,” she said, glancing in the direction of the kitchen stove. “It must be awful lonely sometimes for y’, and I thought it might be nice to have someone to chat with over a nice spot of tea.”

Bmuntz · Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 5:43 pm Post subject:

Very nice story so far EB Surprised

.

Disco Dan · Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 6:49 pm Post subject:

Finished, please let me know if you there is anything you don't like:

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For Fear of the Clock
By Aaron Salvato

The beginning of another day, yes, that’s what it was. It was to be another grand day in the life of me, Professor Regis Spackleburry. Having found myself awake, I sat up in bed, stretched, and gave a good yawn. I must admit, that this process felt so exceedingly spectacular that I was beside myself with a general feeling of great goodness. So much so, in fact, that I was quite certain that it would be a marvelous idea to stay in bed that particular morn.

I sank back into the soft cloud of my pillow, and pulled the cover sheet snuggly up to my chin. The wooly ball on the tip of my striped stocking cap came softly resting on the tip of my nose, which was very much like the slowly falling flakes of snow that came drifting onto the fresh morning grass.

As I glanced to the side to steal a view of my window, I admired the beauty of these small white specks, gracefully dancing back and forth apart, until finally coming to rest as a whole. Yes, I mused, today would be a good day.

However, the glance to the window caught me also a view of the large grandfather clock hanging on my wall, and while I could have admired its fine craftsmanship for hours, it had fulfilled its duty in reminding me what time it indeed was. I was forced to awaken a second time, although this time it was not a physical awakening but rather a mental awakening that at last took me from that wonderful place we all find ourselves in at one time or another, and gracefully brought me into reality.

The reality was, I had to be somewhere other than where I was. That place was Phambdon B. Willingston University, my place of teaching. The thought of how much I stressed promptness to the boys I taught, I dreaded the outrageous rebuttal I would here no end of if I was tardy. I reassured myself that I had nothing to worry about, as long as I did get out of bed presently.

The clock read I had an hour to get to my destination, give or take a minute. Duly motivated and with all my wits about me, I swiftly hopped out of bed, washed up, put on a clean suit, and briskly made my way down the winding staircase to the kitchen. Upon my arrival I encountered none other than my maid Ms. Nimbly.

“Ah, Ms. Nimbly!” I said with a tinge of surprise. “You’re in early.” I normally did not expect her arrival until the precise moment of my departure for the university. Being a man of routine, I was a little taken aback by this small change. However, always being a polite man, I kindly inquired the purpose of her arrival.

“And to what do I owe the pleasure of this meeting?” My expression was warm, yet holding a certain air of having things to do. I hoped she could realize the latter, and not just the former.

The old woman was rather short, and always seemed to have trouble looking at people in the face when she spoke. She usually glanced around the room while speaking, preferably to her than having to constantly strain the neck by looking directly in to the face of who she was talking to.

“Well sir, I thought that you might like someone to make y’ some breakfast, and perhaps a bit of company,” she said, glancing in the direction of the kitchen stove. “It must be awful lonely sometimes for y’, and I thought it might be nice to have someone to chat with over a nice spot of tea.”

I was moved by the woman’s kindness, and part of me very much wanted to enjoy a spot of tea, and some company especially. However, the image of the grandfather clock haunted my psyche, and this reminder was reinforced by the clocks loud chime, which seemed to almost say audibly “Hurry! Fifteen minutes have passed. You’d best hurry!”

As right as the clock was, I was hard pressed to not offend this kind lady. I hastily made the decision to consent to her offer merely halfway. That way, I figured, I would have time to spare. I spoke cheerily to her, saying “Why yes, of course Ms. Nimbly! But just the tea, if you don’t mind. I was going to eat at the university.”

She didn’t mind in the least. And so she energetically fetched up the kettle and started the brew. As the tea boiled, we sat across from each other at the table and had a chat. This was much to the delight of Ms. Nimbly, due to the fact that she did not have to look up at me when I was sitting down. It was not very long before the tea was done, thankfully.

So we sat there for a while, drinking tea and discussing things that really were of no importance, just two old birds shooting the breeze, as they say. I became so occupied with the most amusing story of Ms. Nimbly, that I soon forgot that time was passing, even long after my cup had reached it’s empty.

Then came the clock, its loud chime erupted in my ears like an explosion. It seemed to yell, almost angrily “Hurry up you old bat! Your class is waiting! You know what they will say if you are late!” All of this came so abrupt and unexpected, that I jumped nearly three feet out of my chair and consequentially knocked over the tea pot, spilling its contents all over my person. The tea, being very hot did not really agree with me, and sent me shocks all through my body, causing me to leap a second time, this time even higher, and finally land on the hard wood floor by the seat of my trousers. The clock chimed a second time, seemingly to say in a furious rage “Oh! Now you’ve done it!”

Ms. Nimbly looked very worried, and tried to help me up. I, dreading the risk of the clock chiming yet a third time if I dallied any longer, hastily hopped up, and raced for the door. Almost forgetting myself, I turned quickly to a bewildered Ms. Nimbly, gave her a quick bow, and then rushed out the door.

I raced down the street as fast as my scrawny old legs could carry me, and as I ran I heard the chime of the clock over and over again, blasting loudly in my mind. I ran faster, trying to get away from the horrible sound that seemed to chase me like an angry dog.

Despite all of this madness, I did get to my class on time, with mere seconds to spare. I was not late, and I received no ridiculing from my pupils. However, from that day on I took special care to ensure that I was always on time, and that I never dallied. I wanted to ensure that I would never have another incident like that day. And most of all, most certain of all: I told myself to always be prompt, for fear of that chiming specter that haunted me so, yes, for fear of the clock.

Agent DeWhite · Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:12 pm Post subject:

An enchanting story, Eugene Blackgaard. I very much enjoyed reading it! Smile

Carolita · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 1:25 pm Post subject:

It is interesting, I agree. Done well, EB.

A note on the opening line: I don't have experience in writing, but from the first-person stories I have read, they usually don't have the person say their own name. Usually it is said by another character in the story. In this case, Ms. Nimbly could address him by his name to let the readers know it......*shrugs*

happysmiler · Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 2:14 pm Post subject:

That was a really nice story. I enjoyed it.

Disco Dan · Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 6:10 pm Post subject:

Thanks! I have yet to recieve my grade.